How To Create More Confidence Stop Being Shy

Today I want to show you how you can communicate confidently in English. Especially if you feel shy do you sometimes feel shy? When you speak in English perhaps you don't feel shy all the time maybe there's another adjective. That you want to insert into this space instead let me know your adjective down in the comments below and let's get started now shyness is a deeply personal experience the way. That I experience shyness is different from the way that you do and the way that you experience shyness is different from someone else.

That you feel being shy relates to how fearful you are in social situations. So it relates to how you feel when you interact with other people. Now most of us are pretty relaxed. When we're chatting with our friends right but we might feel shy or a little nervous. When speaking to our boss if you're learning a language it is completely possible to feel shy in some situations. Where you just wouldn't feel shy if you were using your own language. So your level of shyness and anxiety changes in different situations. So that means that shyness is not a permanent state you absolutely have the ability to change it.

If you are disagreeing with some of the things that I'm saying right now. Then it's probably not worth continuing with this video we're just gonna have to agree to disagree you can stop being shy shyness can be overcome and confidence is something that you can learn and you can practice it over time. So I've got some tips to help you do this in today's lesson now you may already know that in addition to the lessons and courses. That I create here at um English I'm also the founder of the ladies project a social networking platform for women learning English the ladies project makes it easy and affordable for women around the world to connect make friends practice and speak English with ease the reason.

I'm sharing this with you today is because over at the lady's project I've created a free mini-course to help you find the courage and the confidence to speak in English anyone can sign up for the course and complete it for free. I've linked to it down in the description below when you're talking to someone in English and you're feeling shy what are you thinking about what are you worried about what's going through your head you might be thinking something like. I'm gonna say the wrong thing and I'm gonna embarrass myself or I don't think they like me I don't think they can understand me. I think they think I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about right now I don't know what to say all of these things right but here's the thing the real reason.

 Why you feel shy and you have trouble connecting with others is because at this moment. When you're feeling shy you are far too focused on yourself to feel less shy you have to stop thinking about yourself with all of these thoughts going on in your head how can you have a genuine meaningful conversation with anyone. You're so lost in your own doubts and worries and concerns instead of paying attention to the opportunity that's right there in front of you so what we need to do is shift the focus away from yourself and deliberately focus on the person. That you're talking to instead which brings me to my next point be curious to be curious about the people that you're talking to right treat any conversation as if it's a mini-investigation.

 What can you learn about this person what can you find out about them if you adopt this mindset? You do a couple of really awesome things so firstly. It's going to help you to take the focus off yourself right and you'll feel less worried about what you might do wrong or what you said wrong but the second thing is that it helps. That person that you're talking to feel like you're interested in them. This is what we all love to feel in a conversation right you can practice this skill anywhere it doesn't matter if it's with your boss or with the guy at the corner store whatever just practice. This skill of being curious to do this well you need to practice asking questions just simple questions and have a few of those simple questions on hand ready to ask at any moment there are so many little opportunities that pop up during a day. When you could ask someone hey how's your day been so far or have you got any plans for the weekend questions like this are simple but they help to open up a conversation and they help you to start investigating.

I've made a whole article about small talk questions. So if you need some ideas and some inspiration for questions to ask check it out. I've linked it up here now what about when you get asked a question during a conversation because if you're feeling nervous and shy your natural reaction will probably be a quick answer something say something quickly don't go into detail there's less chance. That you'll make a mistake quick just say something and get out of there but this discomfort that fear. That you feel in those moments is exactly. Where you need to play you know when you get asked a question and recognize that fear when you start to feel it and then challenge yourself to stay there where that fear is and elaborate a little more on your responses.

So if someone asks you a simple question and your answer is yes or no always always always always aim to give more detail in your answers never provide a one-word answer always think of ways to elaborate another way to overcome shyness and actually speak up in a conversation is to have a story to share so stories are what connect us as humans right and sharing them helps. You to develop meaningful relationships and connect with people in a more personal way to think about the stories. That you can share think about some of the really common questions that you get asked I mean for example where are you from you know you could easily say I'm from Lebanon or you could choose to elaborate and you could say something like.

 I'm from a beautiful village in the mountains in the north of Lebanon. Where it snows on the peaks even in the middle of summer and just by sharing that little extra bit of information. I'm instantly intrigued I'm much more likely to ask you another question since you've been so open and so generous with your response. So I'm asking you now can you think of a story related to your hometown if you can just practice telling it what words can you use to describe the people or the smells or the food or your family traditions just rehearse that story write it down get it in the right order get all the right bits in there and just practice it over and over again until it comes naturally.

This is one of the tactics that I use because for a long time if someone asked me to tell me about your business. I'd get really stuck and I'd freeze and I was kind of embarrassed about it like why can't you just explain what you do really easily why is it so weird so I decided. That I was going to write it down and I got all of the right bits of information that I needed in there to help explain it got it in the right order then I practiced it in front of the mirror I practiced it when I went walking and over time it started to come more naturally and now I've got no problem in sharing a quick answer about what I do in my business by doing. I created more confidence in myself so that when someone asked that question.

I didn't freeze you know I thought okay I've done this before you know there's nothing to be worried about here just share what you've already prepared now if all of this sounds a little staged and a little prepared. That's because it is and this is a skill that you need to practice right it's a strategy to help you overcome shyness. So we're starting by preparing and organizing your thoughts on paper and practicing them and over time doing this again and again and again is going to help it to come more naturally from you, another strategy to help you overcome shyness is to talk to as many people as possible. Which sounds like awful advice for a shy person right but the reality is that practice is what will help you to overcome your shyness watching other people talking to each other is not going to help you.

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